| this |
[17 Aug 2009|02:51pm] |
is insanity
i knew this was coming and i've been attempting to prepare but my efforts have been futile and now it's all about to happen and i have nothing to counter it and i'm scared.
i don't know what to do
i know i'm not going to be getting a car now
not anytime soon
but since i spent all summer trying to figure out how to get a car
i didn't put any energy into making plans for if i didnt...
and now i'm SCREWED!
I
live in compton
work in long beach
go to school in fullerton
and work in fullerton!
it's a 2.5 hour bus ride from comtpon to fullerton and back
30 minutes from comtpon to long beach and back
with 2 jobs and school i do not have the TIME in the day to make those commutes and i don't know what the hell to do!
when i'm closing at work at starbucks i couldnt catch the bus home if i wanted to and i can't afford not to work there because i NEED to save....
wtf?
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| sooo |
[30 Jun 2009|01:54am] |
edc was just okay
it could have been a lot better
i'm glad i was there i guess
i reallyy miss tony he came over earlier today but it was awkward becausemy room isn't done yet and we just have no privacy here
my room has carpet in it he just needs to put some shit back on the walls and it'll be done tomorrow
which means the last thing on my summer to do list is to get a job
which will lead to me getting a car
and to register for classes but i can't do that until july 24th
but anywho i really need to get on that
hopefully i get a yaris
i guess i need my license too
my stupid permit expired before i could get any permits
so i have to take the stupid written test again which ive been avoiding
but then i can just take my driving test after that
basically all i have to do is handle my transportation situation.
i saved the worst for last i guess
i love working i don't mind interviews but i HATE applying for jobs.
but whatever
and so we go.
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| this weekend |
[22 Jun 2009|04:57am] |
in fullerton with my boyfriend has been so incredibly amazing
i love him so much
and i just fell more in love with him this weekend
from the moment he picked me up it's just been like magic
i didn't know it was possible for me to love him more
we made love haha
it's true there is a difference
between making love and fucking and having sex
it was really sweet
i get chills thinking about it
we've just been having a LOT of fun just being in each others company
i think it's because his brother is out of town so we have the room to ourselves
so we're able to be alone a lot more
it's just been amazing
i'm going to stay a couple of more days
he's taking me home on wednesday
FUUUCK
edc is coming up and i have NO MONEY
at least i finally got a ride
but i need moneyyy
i have NO clue what i'm wearing and only ONE DAY to figure it out.
since i'm not going home til wednesday and day one is on friday!
gurjkaml;jdkla;j
annnd i didnt make as much kandy as i wanted to
it's edc it should be epic and i should have bomb kandy but i ran out of beads!
ugh
i'm hoping for a miracle
aka my refund check from canceling cable at the dorms comes in!
keeping my fingers crossed.
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| fdkjlsa;jf |
[19 Jun 2009|06:17pm] |
my sister needs to go back to therapy
i'm not saying that to be mean or funny or exaggerate
i'm saying it out of concern
she's ridiculous
sooo glad i'm going to Fullerton so i don't have to deal with her ass anymore!
ugh i called dd's again manager was busy reviewing applications
told them to look at mine hopefully i get a call
get on the job shit even more when i come back
gotta do my financial aid today
gotta vacuum and clear out my future room a little bit cuz the carpet guy is coming on monday and i'll be gone all weekend =]
just an hour or so and i'll be OUT OF HERE!
gotta go get some shit done
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| =D |
[19 Jun 2009|01:08am] |
jfkdsal;j
okay so i'm just starting to cheer up A LOT!
I'm really excited to see tony today and things are just starting to look up
the guy is coming to measure my room so he can put the carpet down on monday!
and i can just feel things starting to go uphill
soon i'll have financial aid and the only thing i have to worry about is getting a job
which i'm starting to gain confidence in
and i just feel really good
even being at home in compton is getting a lot easier.
and i think soon i might start working out haha
i've been thinking about it a lot
niiice
<3
plus summer is going by fast so soon my besties will be back from norcal and minnesota and my life will be complete again
i'm actually excited for school to start
i'm feeling confident that i'll do even better this semester
yay!
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| it's my mommy's birthday |
[18 Jun 2009|01:18pm] |
i wish i would have thought of her gift sooner so it would be here on time
but i didn't have the money either
it wont be here for at least another 3 weeks =[
but i got her a hint gift and she's gonna love it when it finally gets here
gotta go to the doctor today
and call the one place i've applied for
since NOWHERE ELSE is hiring
i'll call when i get back from the doctor
i realllyyy want to go to redondo to talk to john about beinga faja
but i can't get my ass out there! jfkls;aj
next week!
it's going down.
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| i really need a job |
[17 Jun 2009|03:07pm] |
desperately
but i'm not acting desperate
i haven't filled out a single job application
it's time to change that today
shower then LONNNNNG ass walk.
PEACE!
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| oh dear |
[16 Jun 2009|07:09pm] |
So school is sorted out.
Still on academic probation but I'm not kicked out.
I just need to get money.
So I'm waiting for an e-mail to fill out paperwork then we'll see what's up.
If I don't get it I'll call
I need a job.
There's some center that I need to go to that is supposed to help me get a job.
I'm going tomorrow.
It sucks so much being at home
I spend half my week in Fullerton and it's always awesome of course.
But when I come back it's like hell!
Especially right now cuz I'm on my period haha
But hopefully my room will be done soon.
I'm getting a slow start as far as being productive and getting shit done
but I am getting better for sure.
Things will look up
They just suck right now.
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| i did it |
[11 Jun 2009|12:01am] |
so much has happened
i'm not getting kicked out but it's not over yet i still have more to do.
bkjflds;ja;fj
i neeeed a JOB!
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| sooo much shit |
[28 May 2009|06:57pm] |
i worked so hard to fix my mistakes
and i thought i pulled it off
but i just got some information today that it might have been too little too late
which would break me
i can't imagine getting kicked out of csuf
i really don't know what i would do
ughkdfl;ajsjd
im so nervous
i've been shaking since i realized that i got a c in the class i wanted to get a b- in
i don't know how that happened!
i studied so hard for the final and i thought i did really well
ugh!
i don't know what to think...
ugh then we're moving this weekend and i wont have a room for a month
i'm feeling like things are about to get messy soon
i'm just hoping i can clean it up..
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| things went horribly wrong |
[04 May 2009|03:43am] |
with school on thursday
i'm just praying to bounce back from it
because if i can't i'm beyond screwed
but if i get through this then i have hope that i can get through the summer just fine
i love my boyfriend.
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| so i got some bad news |
[30 Apr 2009|12:41am] |
but i'm making it good.
i found out that the journals i've been procrastinating on and worrying about all semester are due tomorrow.
i haven't been to many classes
when i say that i mean i've only gone once since the first 2 weeks
and the journals are supposed to link the reading with class discussion
that's so not happening
i'm turning in shit journals
but at least i'm turning something in
how i'm making it good is that i've been stressing about getting all these journals done on top of all of hte other shit i have to do. but getting them all out of the way tonight will be a big weight lifted off of my shoulders so that'll be good. i wish i would've done things differently this semester i actually regret my fall off in the middle. but i think i can pull through
honestly as long as i stay in school i'm happy
i'd be devastated if they kicked me out
i love it here.
2.0 or bust.
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| i'm still happy |
[29 Apr 2009|05:10am] |
but i'm stressed!
i have today and tomorrow
then two more weeks and it's finals time!
i also have to move out on saturday when finals are over
i don't get any extra time it's ridiculous
it doesn't seem real
this place is my home and they're just kicking me out
i mean i knew i couldnt live here in the summer but that doesn't make it easier
i'm gonna miss everyone so much
this summer is most likely gonna suck
but i'm gonna try and make the best of it
my family is moving to compton and i don't have a car
so i wont be working or go to school cuz i'll have no way to get there
i have no friends in compton and all of my college friends
well not all of them bot a vast majority of them are going home for the summer
and everyone lives all over the place
it's a shitty situation but i really can't spend time dwelling over that
i'm really close to fucking up in school
and i need to focus and work hard these last 2 weeks so that i can get my 2.0 and get the fuck off of academic probation
if i get kicked out i don't know what i'll do.
i do love tony.
and we talked about it and he loves me too.
life is good
i wouldn't consider this a rough patch
just crunch time
it's tough but i know i'll be okay this summer
i'll figure something out. i know i will.
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| i haven't |
[13 Apr 2009|02:19pm] |
updated in forever
so much has happened
me and tony broke up for a day
and got back together and it's only
made us stronger
he means so much to me
i'm kind of scared of the word love
and i don't think i've ever felt it (romantically)
but it keeps popping up in my head
ugh but yeah school is okay
i have catching up to do still
but i've actually started it
and i'm gaining confidence i think that things will get better
i'm just overall really happy with my life right now
things are just good
a lot of other things happened
spring break was fun
i made friends with a cal state long beach fraternity
so now when i visit my mom i'll have somewhere to go and party
life is just really good i have honestly never been happier
i don't know where i'm going to live
or what i'm going to do over the summer
it all kind of depends on how much money i get
speaking of which i really need to do my financial aid shit
i'm lagging
that's not good cuz that's gonna make or break next semester
theres a lot going on but it's pretty much all good
i can't say this enough
i love college.
i love my life.
i'm so happy.
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| this weekend |
[22 Mar 2009|08:47pm] |
was insanity!
thursday:
i already posted about how fucking great my day was
not long after that tony called and he came and picked me up
i went over to his house and hung out for a bit
then pele's [his roommate] friends came over
and she asked us if we wanted to smoke with them
so we did.
i was pretty high
and tired from not sleeping the night before
so i passed out at like 7
Tony woke me up at 11 i think
or maybe earlier and there were people over
and he wanted me to come downstairs and party
i still didnt want to drink cuz i drank so much on tuesday
and the thought of alcohol made me want to vomit
but only when i was sober
for some reason when i smoked weed i could stomach the alcohol
so tony packed a bowl for me sarah and luke
and we smoked it and i played beerpong
got pretty decently crossfaded
autumn came over
and told me she got a free ticket to how sweet it is but couldnt go
said she'd give it to me
!!
yay!
then friday:
got up early and came home cuz tony had work
slept til like almost 12 i think
woke up got ready for work
went to work
came home
sat on the computer
took a nap mostly out of boredom and waiting
woke up sarah came home
ate tony came over
i took shots with my roommies and tony even though
it made me want to gag
still suffering from st. pattys day
we all went to edwards party
so fun
cops came
went to tonys
more beerpong
more beer.
pretty damn drunk
eventually found my way into bed
saturday!!!
woke up
hangover and bad mood
me and tony went on a mission running errands til like 5ish
then we took a pregnancy test cuz i've been worried
i'm NOT PREGNANT!! yay!
then i went to go pick up the ticket from autumn
i was still hungover came home kind of layed around even though i shouldve been getting ready
got in the shower
jon was here like as soon as i got out of the shower
had to throw on an outfit
went to HOW SWEET
it was so muuuch fun
i missed him a lot
and we had a damn good time
today
all i've done is sleep and eat
i'm about to get in the shower
and see my boyfriend for a little while
then i'm gonna do homework and probably stay up all night
cuz i've slept a lot today.
yay!
i love my life
i just gotta get through this week and then i'm free for spring break.
and i'm going to a free rave next weekend
fuuuck YEAUUUH!
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| OMG |
[19 Mar 2009|03:12pm] |
super relief!
aah
soooo!!
eep
my speech went so good
i was nervous about itt
and didn't really want to go first but i'm SO GLAD i got it out of the way
cuz i did sooo welll ASS WHOOPIN!
my test could have gone better but it's at LEAST a B
and i'm upset i didnt do the homework but i cant change that now
before math i got a giant drink at starbucks
and i haven't eaten and i am SO wired on caffeine right now it's not even funny haha
and it's weird cuz i'm so tired and i want to sleep but the caffeine
i can't sit still!
and i'm so happy i don't think i can sleep right now but ahgha
today is awesome so far yay!
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| just when i |
[18 Mar 2009|11:47pm] |
actually want to be able to make it to class
things keep happening that legitimately prevent me from going
on tuesday for some odd reason i broke out in hives
from an allergy that i haven't had in like 10 years
so weird cuz tony has really bad food allergies to milk products
and i haven't had any problems with red dye for so long
and suddenly when i'm dating someone with allergies
it comes back like 10 times worse
then
i got soooo drunk tuesday night once i awoke from my benadryl coma
drunk in a beer before liqour way
which meant SERIOUSLY hungover
sooo bad
i threw up at least 5 times this morning
and my head was KILLING me.
worst hangover ever
i've done beer before liqour before
but never
beer vodka different beer gin beer and whiskey
that's a lot.
i was so gone.
happy st. patrick's day
i almost missed my midterm on tuesday cuz of stupid benadryl
but i made it and i think i did okay
now i have a speech thats due
i don't know if i'm going tomorrow or tuesday or next thursday
and i have a lot of math homework to do and a test tomorrow
it's weird though cuz even though i slept on and off til like 8 pm tonight
i'm still tired and i don't know how i'm gonna stay awake for this shit
but i'm gonna try.
and so we go.
hopefully myspace/facebook/plurlife/and the stumble button don't distract me too much when i'm trying to do research.
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| tomorrow |
[16 Mar 2009|08:13am] |
is our one month
i have a heavy week
lot's of homework and midterms and shit
i've got a new attitude about school though
as much as i don't want to go
the whole "maybe i'll just miss this one" thought hasn't really crossed my mind too much.
i think i'm doing better.
i have i think a B in philosophy because we've only turned in one assignment
which i did turn in. and we've only taken one midterm which i got a b on.
i have an F in astronomy cuz i missed 2 homeworks and a group activity got a D on the midterm. But i think i can pull off at least a C because i think a 65 is a C in her class, and i've been paying attention and should be pretty solid in that class from now on.
History i haven't been to in a while and i haven't done any journals but they're not due til the midterm which i believe is next week so as of right now i'm at a 0/0 in that class and i plan on doing the journals and doing well on the test. doing the journals is gonna be hard though... i HATE history.
HCOMM i have a midterm and a speech this week and those are gonna be what determine my grade. I'm not worried.
Math my teacher is dropping my first test that i missed and i only missed 4 or 5 homeworks and two quizzes i think basically i'm behind but not TOO behind plus math is one of my strongest subjects so as long as i keep up with the homework i should be able to pull at least a B
i'm lucky
and a little bit more confident
i'm still having a little trouble turning down fun stuff
to do homework and study
but i'm getting better
i'm just hoping it's not too little too late.
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| =D |
[14 Mar 2009|12:03pm] |
i didn't sleep last night
just as i was getting sleepy this morning
my boyfriend comes over
i'm not sleepy anymore.
i'd never had sex in my own bed.
cuz i couldn't when i lived with my mom
and i have a roommate
buuuttt she wasn't here this morning.....
there's a first time for eveerything
i needed that.
i'm in such a good mood right now.
ugh.
<3
tony tony tony
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| ugh |
[13 Mar 2009|10:45pm] |
when i'm pmsing it's best for me to keep busy
i'm pmsing.
i'm not busy.
and more than once tonight i've caught myself almost crying
this is stupid just when i actually NEED to go out and have a good time
i can't do anything
ugh
fml.
i need company right now!
at least i ordered pizza.
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